I thought my first post was going to be about discipling to your family. But tonight things changed.

I went to church this morning and I worshipped my Jesus. I listened to my pastor and was filled with all the things I wanted to share on my first blog.

But then life hit hard this evening. Same argument. Same fight. The circle keeps going like being on a carousel and you just want to jump off. (Thank you, Meredith Grey for that analogy tonight). The cycle continues and you feel stuck and trapped.

I’ve cried so much tonight. I had a panic attack because I don’t know how to fix my husband or myself. He is struggling and I don’t know how to help him anymore. I’m also going through perimenopause. It has heightened my anxiety and depression and I am struggling too. I don’t know my body anymore and I don’t know myself anymore. The truth is I feel fat, lazy, and ugly. I don’t like myself right now. I am exhausted all the time. I do not have any motivation in me or energy. My mood swings come and go. I am hot all of the time and I’m tired of fighting. I don’t have the energy anymore. I just want peace. I feel lost. I was made to feel a few weeks ago that I am not doing enough around my house. But that’s another post for another day.

Seems like I’ve been fighting my entire life. Battling things I shouldn’t have at a young age all the way up into adulthood. But they have made me stronger. But yet, I feel so alone and lost tonight. I know God has me. I know he has this situation. But I’m just so tired. A weary tired. Emotionally tired.

The enemy is attacking and I don’t know how to fight him anymore.

But I know the answer and I know what I need to do. You keep going. You decide what you are fighting for and then lay it at the feet of Jesus. You press in more with Jesus. You surround yourself in Jesus and you don’t let go of the carousel. You hold onto Jesus. Even if it is the hem of his robes sometimes. (Hanging on by a thread). I know we all feel that. We’re barely hanging on, but we are hanging on by the Grace of God.

So grab hold of Jesus with everything you got. And I mean everything. Start with yourself because you can’t help anyone till you help yourself and you need to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. By that I mean, securing your foundation in Jesus. A friend told me tonight that you give and take care of everyone, When did you last take care of yourself? I haven’t been. That’s the truth. Not for a long time. I am not talking about self care at a spa day (that sounds nice though), but when I have spiritually feed myself to help my mental state? Because it all ties together. If my mental state is good, then I will physically take care of myself. But how do you that? Where do you start when you feel stuck?

Well, how is your foundation?

I’ll be honest, mine foundation is weathering a category four hurricane right now. But you keep going. You keep fighting even when you think you have nothing left. You lean on the strength of Jesus.

You pray. You worship. You talk to Jesus. I don’t know what tomorrow will hold, but I do know I will keep going. I will keep pressing into Jesus. I will build my foundation and stand on it. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Little by little, I will build my solid foundation back and I won’t feel like I am stuck again or riding in a non ending carousel ride. The waves will calm. I will not go under.

So I leave you with these verses, songs, and prayers hoping they help you as they have helped me tonight.

If you need prayer, please leave a comment so I can pray for you.

Matthew 7:25

[25] And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. (ESV)

Matthew 11:28–30

[28] Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. [29] Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [30] For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (ESV)

“And I will build my life upon your love, it
is a firm foundation
And I will put my trust in you alone
And I will not be shaken”

“(Oh) Rain came and wind blew
But my house was built on You
(And) I’m safe with You
I’m going to make it through”

Lord, we come to you and lay it all at your feet. Our Abba Father, we feel lost. We feel stuck and trapped.We are weary. We want to build our foundation, Lord. Please release us Lord. Fill our cups Lord so we may pour into others. Heal us spiritually, physically, and mentally. Give us ears to hear, eyes to see, and hearts that are open. Guide us through our struggles and battles. Let us remember to put on the full armor of God because you have already won and fought for us. You go before we even know. Our hearts are heavy and so are our minds. We lay it at your feet. We trust you Lord. In your precious name, Amen.